The Suicide Letter . 2

Zoey rummages through the mountain of boxes that are lying in the corner of her room.  She soon finds the cd player that has been turned on. Before, she thought that it sounded like piano and violins, but obviously her mind was out of it, or she was focusing on the music that was playing in her mother’s room across the hall. The song that was actually playing was Trust, by her favorite band, Megadeth. Of course, how she could get Trust and the piano with violins song confused is a mystery yet to be solved.

While finding the cd player, Zoey stumbled upon a photograph that contained her and Ross, her boyfriend at the time. “I wonder what he is doing at this moment.”, she asks herself, while tears cascade from her Emerald, green eyes, down her soft, almost pale cheeks. After gazing at the picture for what seemed an eternity, she hugs it, as if it were Ross, himself. Ross Devenour was a very handsome man. He had a really nice, evenly distributed tan, all across his body, dark, penetrating, almost intimidating, brown eyes, and jet black hair, that seemed to shimmer in the night, when they went out in the evenings. Even though Zoey was only fifteen, she had fallen in love with the man, who was four and a half years older than she. It was a wonder why her parents never said anything about her and Ross dating.

For hours, Zoey went through the boxes that were piled in her bedroom. She wanted desperately to find out what Ross was doing, or what he was thinking about. So, after going through everything, she pealed herself off of the hard wood floor and wiped the tears that were streaming down her face. She picked up the photograph to take with her, as she walked out of the room, leaving every single memory of her life behind her.

Arriving in front of Ross’ house, from walking almost three miles from her own house, she sees a light reflecting out of an upstairs window. She knows that it is Ross’ window, for she has climbed up the side of the wall a few times in the midnight hours of the darkest nights you could ever imagine. So, as she used to do, every so sneakily, Zoey scurried up the side of the house, only to find that no one was in the room. It was no doubt Ross’ room. The dresser was on the right corner of the wall, right next to his closet door. His computer desk was centered on the wall just to the right of the window that Zoey was peering through, of course, so she could have easy access when she came in to his room at night. Ross’ bed was a twin size, maybe a full, it had black satin sheets and a fluffy red comforter, that felt like velvet on Zoey’s legs. Her mind was on the good times, rather than the present, because she started crying, again, while she thought about what Ross was doing.

Suddenly, Ross walked into the room and stopped at the door that was directly facing the window that Zoey was hanging from. He stared right at the window and burst into tears. She thought that he had seen her, so she cried as well and climbed completely through the opening of the window. Walking toward her lover, at a slow stumbling pace, she attempted to rub her hand across his cheek. Her hand went directly through him. “I totally forgot. I can see them, but..” Before Zoey could finish her thinking aloud, Ross ran to the bed, where a small black and white box lay. As his tears poured out of his eyes, like water falls in the rain forest, his hands slowly opened the box, which seemed like a blur through the tear filled eyes of Zoey, as she stood there and watched him open it.

He pulled out a ring. It was beautiful. The ring was pure silver, with speckles of diamonds affixed throughout the band. It consisted of alternating hearts, all the way around. The ring that Zoey said that she loved so much. By now, Zoey was leaned up against the wall of the bedroom bawling her eyes out. “She would have loved this, but.. but..”, Ross said as his cries overcame his speech. “Ross, ROSS, hunny, I’m right here! RIGHT HERE!!”, Zoey called, trying to get the attention of someone that couldn’t see or hear her.

While trying to get his attention, Zoey started yelling out incomprehensive words of how she felt about what she had done. “I committed suicide! I fuckin’ killed myself!! Why..”, she cried furiously. She walked to the edge of the bed, where Ross was slouched over. She listened to what he was saying, as he prayed. “Lord, I know she was young, but I loved her so much. I needed her more than she ever needed me. Lord, I’m asking you to bring her back. Please, Lord, bring my Zo Zo back to me, so we can live happy together and have a family. Please, Lord, don’t let this be real. God, please.”, he begged in prayer.

Zoey walked away whispering, “I love you too Ross, so much.”, without looking back.  It was like she was watching everyone’s reaction to her death and they can’t see her there or hear her, but she can easily watch them and listen to every word they say. It felt like a dream or more like a nightmare.

Walking through the streets, that were drenched from the rain that started falling while she was in Ross’ room, Zoey felt the mist of rain coating her face with a mask of thin liquid. She wanted so much to be alive again. Either that, or get out of there. She could not stand watching people suffer, from her selfish action. She remembers writing a poem about suffering.

“If you suffer, the ones you love will suffer with you. If you suffer... We suffer”, she recites, as she walks farther down the street, toward an empty church.